Funny Article
It's a long one so I've copied some highlights for those of you who don't have the desire or stamina to read Dave Barry's review of 2005, "A Year on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown."http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/28/AR2005122800883.html
On the domestic front, the president proposes, in his State of the Union speech, a plan to privatize Social Security so that it will be, quote, "more privatized." In response, the Democratic leadership pledges to churn out irate press releases for a while, then totally lose interest.
. . . a federal jury convicts former WorldCom executive Bernie Ebbers in connection with an $11 billion fraud that led to the bankruptcy of the telecom giant. Upon Ebbers's arrival at the federal prison, nearly $7 billion is recovered during what shaken guards later describe as "the cavity search from Hell."
. . . President Bush, in a decisive response to sharply rising gasoline prices, delivers a major speech proposing that Americans switch to nuclear-powered cars. In a strongly worded rebuttal, angry congressional Democrats state that, because of a scheduling mixup, they missed the president's speech, but whatever he said, they totally disagree with it, and if they once voted in favor of it, they did so only because the president lied to them.
Financially troubled Delta Air Lines, hoping to boost ticket sales, introduces a new "student discount" fare, which will apply to flights where the airplane is being flown by student pilots.
In book news, millions of youngsters snap up the latest in the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter Must Be, Like, 32 Years Old by Now. The book has a surprise plot twist that upsets some fans: Beloved Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore is killed by Severus Snape, who, moments later, is acquitted by a California jury.
On the economic front, there is bad news and good news. The bad news is, gasoline prices are reaching $3 a gallon. The good news is, with the manufacturer's rebate, you can buy a new Hummer for $167.
With the horror of Katrina fresh in everyone's mind, a new hurricane, Rita, draws a bead on the Gulf Coast, causing millions of panicky Texans to get into their cars and flee an average distance of 150 feet before they become stuck in a monster traffic jam, where some remain for more than 12 hours. "It was hell," reports one traumatized victim. "The classic rock station played 'Daydream Believer,' like, 53 freaking times."
TRUE ITEM: During the debate on Iraq, Rep. Marion Berry (D-Ark.) calls Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-Tex.) "a Howdy Doody-looking nimrod."
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